On the 3rd and 4th of December a training for foster families on the topic “How attachment is formed” took place in Slavyansk

On the 3^rd and 4^th of December a training for foster families on the topic “How attachment is formed” took place in Slavyansk. These were blessed days, when many parents found answers to their “Whys” and “Hows”.

The skilled psychologist, who was carrying out the training, helped each parent to better understand the specialties, needs and character of children, who had been deprived of parental care.

It is amazing, how important it is to understand and accept a child. It is amazing, how distinctly children can feel, if you are sincere and honest with them. It is amazing, how after some months of investing time and love, foster parents can see the character of children and their whole lives change.

The training was attended by foster-parents and people, who work in children homes.

Svetlana, the psychologist at a children home and a foster-mother, decided to attend this training, as she is sharply aware of a lack of information on orphans’ psychology: there is practically no Russian literature on this topic. «The tremendous things I’ve heard at this training, really made sense. I can now better understand the way orphans think and how they cope with the deprivations they had to suffer. I’ve also learnt much in respect to punishment and incentives for children. It turns out there are a lot of methods, which are much more effective than physical punishment. I really liked the way this seminary was presented: the group work, the way we worked on practical solutions for all the questions, that came up,…»

Andrey and his wife have recently taken two girls into foster-care and they also constantly work with this category of children at the children home. That’s why they decided to attend this training. «This was the best seminary we have attended in a long time, as it was very practical and not just theory and basic knowledge on the importance of children’s upbringing and education, as it is usually presented on such events. We were approached as people, who already work in this sphere. It was clear that the trainer has a lot of experience in working with orphans and that she is educating children herself. We received a revelation concerning our foster daughter during this training. Our daughter still feels a very strong attachment to her biological mother. Every night she goes to sleep holding her mother’s picture. At the seminary we learnt that this is basically a good thing, as it shows that our girl has a deep ability to love and become attached to people, which is not common for abandoned children. Children, who never knew their parents and thus didn’t experience any real attachment in their live, really struggle to become attached to their foster-parents. We have come to understand that our foster-daughter will come to love us in due course, as she already is capable of forming attachment. We would have loved for the training to last longer, as there were still many more questions left.

Marina and her husband came to the training, because they felt a strong need for information, as they feel quite alone in their struggles with no other believers near by to support them. They are fostering children with special needs, who have endured violence and a lot of hardship. «During the training we received a lot of answers. We are grateful to God for having met the psychologist, Victoria, here; now she’ll support us in our struggles. Under our guardianship we have a girl, who has experienced many losses and traumas: At the age of 9 months, she was adopted by a woman, who some years later was killed by her roommate. The girl witnessed the murder. The same year her foster-grandparents died. She then went to live with her “aunt”, the sister of her adoption-mother, where she experienced sexual abuse from her aunt’s boyfriend. When the girl came to live with our family, she didn’t trust anybody and was completely lost in life. We couldn’t find a way to reach her. She was really aggressive, especially to men. When we came to this training, we were towing with the idea of returning her to the state orphanage, as we felt we had reached the end of our strength. During this training we realized the mistakes we had made and have come to understand the reasons behind her behavior. God showed us the way to solve this situation without further hurting our girl, and we decided to keep her in our family and invest ourselves into her upbringing. »

We are very thankful to Victoria Melnichenko for coming to Slavjansk and ministering to us.  This was a very special training, during which we understood that to every "Why" there is an answer, and usually it is not found in the present, but the past of the children. We’ve also learnt that up to three years are necessary for foster-children to really change and become attached to their foster-parents. Each loss and change in the life of people, especially orphaned children, is a tremendous stress, which needs to be treated with love and patience. Because to every challenge there is a solution and this solution is love!